I’ve come to the conclusion that life is just a series of continuous lies. If not for all of us (though surely that’s the case?), then certainly for a huge number of us.

Think about it. On a daily basis, I’ll bet good money that most of us tell lies, whether that’s to others or to ourselves. They may not be intentional. They may not be a result of Machiavellian planning on our part. But they’re there as an ever-present in our lives.

Don’t believe me? Then see if you’ve said (or thought) any of the following recently:

• We must catch up soon (usually said in a text, WhatsApp message, or social media reply to someone we haven’t ‘spoken’ with in a while, whilst knowing, deep down, that the catch-up is unlikely to happen.)
• We need to organise a night out (similar to the above example, though often said to friends we communicate with fairly regularly.)
• I’ll sort it today / tomorrow / this week (almost always relates to DIY or some other mundane task)
• I’m going to lose weight. From Monday. This time, it’s serious…
• I’m going to stop eating chocolate and crisps.
• I’m going to drink less alcohol from now on.
• I’m going to create a fitness regime and stick to it.
• I’m going to walk 10,000 steps each day.
• I spend far too much time on my phone. I’ll start using it less, and certainly not stare at it whilst in bed.
• I’m going to get at least seven or eight hours sleep each night.
• I’m going to get up early, and at the same time each day, including the weekend.
• We must keep in touch (usually said when a work acquaintance moves on).
• My casual spending is too much. I’m going to try to buy nothing but the essentials for a few weeks/months.
• I’m going to speak to my parents more often.
• I’m going to be more present for my children. I’ll spend more time with them, and not come up with weak excuses whenever they want to do something which is exciting for them.
• I need to reduce the number of takeaways we’re having. I’m going to cook more healthy, homemade meals.

The list could go on and on and on…

Do any of those sound painfully familiar? If so, just one, or several of them? Assuming that’s the case, don’t beat yourself up about it. It seems our bodies are hard-wired to think this way…

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, particularly why so many of us lie so frequently. Ultimately, I strongly believe we want to make a change when we say any of the statements listed above. Deep down, we do want to improve things, particularly as we know the benefits this will bring. Plus, it feels good just saying or thinking any of these things. We know it’s ‘the right thing’ to do. We know that actually putting these promises into practice will lead to a better life. Just thinking or saying these things gives us a quick hit of dopamine and makes us feel good, even if that’s just for a few seconds.

Then real-life kicks in. We start finding reasons not to do any of these things. We claim to be tired. We claim not to have the time. We claim to have other more pressing priorities to address. We find any excuse to push these tasks further down the to-do list. Surely we’re all guilty of it? I know I am, on a fairly frequent basis too.

Thankfully, it seems there are reasons for this. One of the main ones is apparently the natural defence mechanism of the body. I recently listened to a podcast on procrastination. A medical expert referred to some studies which highlighted that the brain has a natural defence mechanism which leads to procrastination. The brain doesn’t want us to seek out new and challenging things to do, or to get on with those tasks which we know require a bit of effort but will ultimately be rewarding. The brain wants us to seek comfort, peace and contentment. It seems the brain is very happy for us to grab a brew or a beer, curl up with some nibbles, and read a book, or binge a new series, or stare aimlessly at our phone screens, or do anything else comforting and easy, rather than take on anything even slightly challenging. And that is a huge problem. Basically, to stop procrastinating, to stop lying to ourselves and others, to actually get on with the things we know we need to do to improve our lives, we’re battling against the very thing that controls our entire life. That really isn’t easy. If it was, so many of us would be productivity machines.

I’m going to be brutally honest here. That battle really hacks me off. To make this a little more real, and to give myself a real slap in the face, I’ve started listing the lies I tell myself. There’s some duplication with the list earlier in this post, though I’m trying to jolt myself into action. Here are a few of my recent lies:

• I’m going to shed all my excess fat and lead a far better life (my most recent post on this was back in Feb 2023: link).
• I’m going to fast at least 5 days/nights per week.
• I’m going to get back on track and write far more regular blog posts (my most recent post on this was back in Feb 2024: link)
• I’m going to start a blog on 80’s pop music, primarily as it’s a subject I love writing about.
• I’m going to start a digital detox and limit my phone usage to under 3hrs per day (ideally under 2hrs).
• I’m going to get the vast majority of my ‘house jobs’ done by the end of the year.
• I’m going to start a quick and dirty revamp of the back garden this Spring (though, to be fair, the good old British climate hasn’t exactly helped me recently…).
• I’m going to spend less time falling down YouTube and Spotify rabbit holes.
• I’m going to allocate a specific timeslot each day to reading.
• I’m going to cook more.
• I’m going to spend much more time learning the technical aspects of guitar playing, to become a better player.
• I’m going to get back into playing the keyboard (I had lessons some time ago and achieved my Grade 5 exam – these days, I’d struggle to play Chopsticks…).
• I’m going to get off the train a stop earlier than normal and spend an extra 10-minutes walking to work.
• I’m going to swear less (that’s cursing / using bad language, if there are any readers outside the UK).
• I’m going to save more money, and not spend as much on unnecessary tat.

Again, there are many more examples I could list here. I have made inroads into some of these, though nowhere near the extent I’d have liked to. It pains me to admit it, but I continually use many of the excuses I listed earlier, particularly I’m too tired, and I don’t have enough time.

So, the key question is, what can we do to stop this? The lies. The procrastination. The option of doing things which are easier and more comforting? That will likely be different for each of us, though, in my case, I have a few ideas which are working quite well for me right now. I have daily alarms set up for vitally important tasks such as exercise. Additionally, I have daily reminders on my phone for some of my key objectives, including reading, writing, and checking daily image folders for both weight loss and motivational quotes. I appreciate these aren’t for everyone, but I like them. I now have this sign on the wall in my office, directly behind where my work laptop is positioned each day:

It acts as a constant reminder to me that I have to battle my brain, and get off my backside, if I want to achieve my objectives.

For everyone else, I suppose it’s a case of trying to find something which works for you in the constant battle against your brain. If motivational quotes / videos work for you, compile them in a folder, add it to your phone home screen, and access it on a daily basis. Create alarms and/or reminders for the tasks which are truly important to you. Tell others what you’re aiming to do – quite often, this can be inspiring, particularly as you’re really placing accountability on yourself in doing so. If certain tasks (such as exercise) allow it, find others to participate with you and spur you on. Unless, like me, you prefer to be a lone wolf.

Also, why not consider creating specific prompts / calls to action for yourself? If you want to exercise early in the morning, lay out your exercise clothes the night before, as you go to bed? If you’re looking to eat healthier food, don’t have the bad stuff anywhere in your house. If you’re looking to stop weekday drinking, don’t have alcohol in your house, and buy it solely on the days when you’d like a drink. If it’s catching up with someone you’re speaking to for the first time in a while, set a date at that precise moment, even if it’s months in advance – don’t say you’ll head off and sort a date out soon. That’s unlikely to happen.

Primarily, whatever the task/objective is, do whatever you can do to increase the chances of it happening. And, ultimately, don’t beat yourself up over the lies you tell to yourself and others. It’s life. It’s how our bodies, particularly our brains, are wired. Recognising the issue and the root causes is a good enough start. Just trying to do better is surely all any of us can do?

Take care.

Best wishes.

Mick